ic contact @ savetheearth

[gunhearted]

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Comments

[gunhearted]

i'm not lying you're better than a lot of people are. at least about this.

i've just been like this forever i tried probably everything. its not easy to deal wtih me so i don't want you to feel bad.

[healspec]

[Jacuzzi that just makes him feel REALLY BAD for you. he knows he's bad at this, he can only imagine how much worse everyone else is. (he's really not that bad at this. what is confidence.)]

I don't want you to feel bad, either.

[gunhearted]

[Confidence is something incredibly lacking between them.]

i always feel abd it's okay really.

[healspec]

So do I.

[face in hands forever. it just feels like such a dumb thing to admit to someone. NOT THAT JACUZZI ADMITTING IT WAS DUMB, THAT'S DIFFERENT BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIMSELF]

[gunhearted]

you shouldnt

i mean you're doing really well right? you've got a job and friends and stuff and you sound like you know what yo're talking about so you shouldn't feel bad about stuff.

and you're trying a lot harder htan anybdy else to help me and you dont even have to youre not my doctor or my family or anything so don't feel bad about this at least

[healspec]

All that is on the outside. [also he has, like, three friends. and two of them are a pretty recent development.]

On the inside I still am like you, but in smaller ways.

[gunhearted]

but thats wrong

i mean maybe its true

i mean it's not true because you already helped me out a lot or i woudlvefailed my classes so i guess thats an outside thing i dont know

but you seem like a good kind of person so you shouldn't feel bad.

[healspec]

If I told you why you shouldn't always feel bad, would that make it stop?

[the answer is no. he knows that. he's asking as a way to demonstrate that this is coming from the same place for both of them. that it's not rational and you can't be talked out of it. that it's still there, even if others can't or won't see it.]

[gunhearted]

im sorry i dont knoww hat else tos ay.

im really really bad with worsds

[healspec]

It's fine. [actually the truth for once!] I'm not upset.

It's not rational to feel bad all the time. I know that, but that does not make it go away.

[gunhearted]

[Uggggh all Jacuzzi can feel now is that there's absolutely no hope omg.]

im sorrt.

[healspec]

['don't feel bad about it,' he almost says, but catches himself. in context, not a useful thing to say.]

It's fine. You don't need to apologize. [again.]

[gunhearted]

but i do i didn't mean to say something stupid.

[healspec]

Neither did I. So we are even.